Sometimes, being single and having a Facebook account doesn't mesh for me.
For the most part, I can handle seeing the engagement announcements, the pictures of the sparkly ring on the left hand, the pictures of the new bride and groom, the sonogram pictures, the happy family pictures, etc.
And then there are times when I can't handle it.
I suppose it's no different for the man or woman who is struggling in their marriage who sees their friends post seemingly happy pictures of their marriage. Or the couple struggling with infertility and feels heartache when seeing pictures of their friends/family having fun with their children. Or the jobless man or woman being reminded daily that they don't have a job by their friends' incessant whining about the job they have but hate.
At the root of all these feelings, I think, are the opposites of contentment: jealousy and fear. Jealousy of what others have that I don't; fear that I won't ever get the things I want the most.
Instead of being content where God has me and the opportunities He's given me, there are times when I can't stop focusing on the opportunities He HASN'T given me.
I try hard to drive in the lane that God has me in, but every now and then I have the tendency to get over into someone else's lane. And when I do that, I crash. Big time.
No surprise there.
And so when I crash and burn, I do what I usually do... I go for a "therapeutic walk" have it out with God. I tell Him how I feel. I regroup. I apologize for my ingratitude. I thank God for the joys and successes He's bringing into my friends' lives. I thank Him for the story He's writing in my own life. I ask Him for patience as I read the story He's writing for me. I also ask Him to help me not to jump ahead and make conclusions about the chapters I haven't read yet.
God knows, at the heart of my discontentment, is that I just want to be loved and feel love. I want to be singled out by someone's love for me.
"You know what I long for, Lord; you hear my every sigh." Psalm 38:9
And so God, ever knowing and ever patient and ever kind and ever loving towards me, singles me out and shows me how much He loves me. Not because He has to. But because He wants to. Because He loves me.
When He goes to such great lengths to create a leaf shaped heart and drop it on the sidewalk in the perfect place for me to see like he did last night...
When He takes two little twigs and arranges them perfectly on the sidewalk in the shape of a cross, making sure that I'm looking down at the exact moment to see it, like He did for me last night...
...how can I not know that I'm loved? How can I not feel loved? A heart... the perfect example of feel-good-squishy-kind-of-love. A cross... the perfect example of sacrificial love. "But God showed his great love for us by sending Christ to die for us while we were still sinners." - Romans 5:8
God does give us the desires of our heart; sometimes, it's just in ways we don't expect. But isn't that the fun of a relationship? Being surprised by your loved one with tangible expressions of love in ways and at times when you least expect it?
I'm no different from my engaged/married friends. They have someone to surprise them with sweet gifts and reminders of their love. I always appreciate it when my Someone takes time to surprise me too... and He literally moves heaven and earth to do it!
-- Erin
PS - If you're married or have a special someone and haven't surprised that someone with a gift in their "love language" in a while, would you do that for me today?
For the most part, I can handle seeing the engagement announcements, the pictures of the sparkly ring on the left hand, the pictures of the new bride and groom, the sonogram pictures, the happy family pictures, etc.
And then there are times when I can't handle it.
I suppose it's no different for the man or woman who is struggling in their marriage who sees their friends post seemingly happy pictures of their marriage. Or the couple struggling with infertility and feels heartache when seeing pictures of their friends/family having fun with their children. Or the jobless man or woman being reminded daily that they don't have a job by their friends' incessant whining about the job they have but hate.
At the root of all these feelings, I think, are the opposites of contentment: jealousy and fear. Jealousy of what others have that I don't; fear that I won't ever get the things I want the most.
Instead of being content where God has me and the opportunities He's given me, there are times when I can't stop focusing on the opportunities He HASN'T given me.
I try hard to drive in the lane that God has me in, but every now and then I have the tendency to get over into someone else's lane. And when I do that, I crash. Big time.
No surprise there.
And so when I crash and burn, I do what I usually do... I go for a "therapeutic walk" have it out with God. I tell Him how I feel. I regroup. I apologize for my ingratitude. I thank God for the joys and successes He's bringing into my friends' lives. I thank Him for the story He's writing in my own life. I ask Him for patience as I read the story He's writing for me. I also ask Him to help me not to jump ahead and make conclusions about the chapters I haven't read yet.
God knows, at the heart of my discontentment, is that I just want to be loved and feel love. I want to be singled out by someone's love for me.
"You know what I long for, Lord; you hear my every sigh." Psalm 38:9
And so God, ever knowing and ever patient and ever kind and ever loving towards me, singles me out and shows me how much He loves me. Not because He has to. But because He wants to. Because He loves me.
...how can I not know that I'm loved? How can I not feel loved? A heart... the perfect example of feel-good-squishy-kind-of-love. A cross... the perfect example of sacrificial love. "But God showed his great love for us by sending Christ to die for us while we were still sinners." - Romans 5:8
God does give us the desires of our heart; sometimes, it's just in ways we don't expect. But isn't that the fun of a relationship? Being surprised by your loved one with tangible expressions of love in ways and at times when you least expect it?
I'm no different from my engaged/married friends. They have someone to surprise them with sweet gifts and reminders of their love. I always appreciate it when my Someone takes time to surprise me too... and He literally moves heaven and earth to do it!
-- Erin
PS - If you're married or have a special someone and haven't surprised that someone with a gift in their "love language" in a while, would you do that for me today?
Thank you so very much for sharing; it's exactly where I am and I almost suspended my facebook account for some of those very feelings...thank God I did not, for this has encouraged me greatly. Thanks A Million!
ReplyDeleteWell said. I can relate to every point you made. For me it comes down to something that the Lord continues to ask me with each trial and test. How much do you trust me?
ReplyDeleteDespite the storms in my life, I can say that I am still standing for HIM!
Very well put....a great perspective and reminder...
ReplyDeleteThank you for being candid and vulnerable. You feel those questions echo in your mind and that impatience rest heavy on your heart, but you choose to keep your eyes open. So often God places those "nuggets" in our life and we are too busy grumbling about our frustration to see and hear His love story for us. Great post. Great perspective.
ReplyDelete